沟通 & 自信

Becoming a Clear Communicator

成为一个清晰的沟通者意味着有效地传达你的想法、想法、需求和愿望. 清晰的沟通可以帮助你管理你的时间和生活, to feel good about yourself, and to build trustworthy relationships with others.

Know what you want to say

• 问问你自己想要什么:充分理解你想说什么将有助于你传达你的信息.
• 提前练习你要说的话:大声对自己或别人说. Don’t be afraid to change your message in the process.
• 保持专注:不要提起过去发生的事情.

听

• 显示 that you are listening: Make eye contact; don’t be afraid to ask questions or ask the other person to repeat what he or she has said.
• Be polite: Don’t interrupt; take turns talking.
• 尊重他人:尊重他人的感受和/或想法.
• 保持开放的心态:当你开始谈话时，不要害怕改变你的想法

说清楚你的意思

• 直截了当，举例说明:帮助对方理解你想说的.
• Be Honest: 显示 how you really feel.
• 使用“我”陈述:用“我”陈述可以帮助你清楚地解释你的需要和你的感受, without placing blame on the other person. Example: “ I feel frustrated when you’re late. I want you to be on time.”
• 注意你的肢体语言:你移动身体和手的方式和你说的话一样多.
• 如果你说了一些伤人或错误的话，不要害怕说对不起.

Make sure you understand

• 你们都想要什么:问对方他或她需要什么，并明确你的需求.
• If you don’t understand, 问:不要害怕问别人的想法和感受. Don’t try to guess on your own.
• 重复别人说的话:确保你理解别人的一个好方法就是重复别人刚刚说的话, 用你自己的话来说, e.g., “What I hear you saying is...”

动作和结束

• 在谈话结束之前，确保你们都明白对方说了什么.
• 总结:重申你们每个人说过的话，以确保没有误解.
• 接下来会发生什么:根据你们的谈话，就接下来会发生什么达成协议.
• Closure: You may not both agree with one another, but make sure you are both satisfied with the conversation. 如果有必要的话，不要害怕再次开始对话.

自信是...

• 表达一个人的感情、信仰和观点的行为和言语
• Communicating directly, firmly, and honestly
• Respecting the other person's rights and your own 
• A skill that you will always be working on enhancing 

The ultimate goal of assertiveness is respect!

•  自尊:它让你感到自信，更能掌控自己的生活.
•  别人的尊重:当你尊重自己时，别人能感觉到, so they'll treat you with respect in return.

Why aren't people assertive?

• 我们中的许多人都害怕让别人不高兴，因为我们担心自己不被喜欢. But even though you can avoid immediate unpleasantness, 从长远来看，你可能会毁掉一段关系，因为你会觉得自己被利用了.
• 他们认为把自己的需求放在别人的需求之上是“不好的”.
• 他们认为，如果有人说/做了我们不喜欢的事情，我们不应该“制造波澜”.

Non-assertive communication styles

咄咄逼人的

A person who is aggressive stands up for his/her own rights, but in a way that violates the rights of others. This commonly results in put-downs of the other person, and it can cause people to lose respect for the speaker.

被动攻击的

消极攻击型的人避免直接对抗(被动), 但试图通过操纵或鬼鬼祟祟的行为来“报复”(攻击性).

被动

一个被动的人的个人权利可能会受到侵犯. 这种风格反映了一种潜在的信念，即一个人的感觉并不重要, or that one is too weak to act on those feelings.

The implications of being non-assertive

• Depression - this is the end result of anger turned inward; it gives the person a sense of being helpless and hopeless with no control over his/her life
• Anxiety - this leads to avoidance. If you begin to avoid uncomfortable situations/people, you may miss out on fun activities, 工作机会, 等.
• 糟糕的人际关系——如果你不能同时表达消极和积极的情绪, others can’t tell what you want and need.
• 身体不适——头痛、溃疡和高血压

这些都与压力有关，而自信是一种很好的减压方式!

How You Deliver Your Message Matters

Forming assertive statements

• Be direct; express your request in just a few easy-to-understand sentences
• 积极地看待自己，不要添加限制性陈述.e. "You'll probably think I'm crazy, but...")
• Avoid demanding or blaming statements (i.e. 你让我...你认为...你应该...)

使用“我”公式

• I feel - state your feeling
• When - describe behavior
• Because - concrete effect/consequence on your situation
• I'd prefer - offer a compromise
• Feedback - "Am I being clear? How do you see this situation?"

Be mindful of body language 

• 手势——放松地使用这些动作表现出开放、自信和自发性
• Voice Tone - level, well-modulated, conversational tone
• 语调变化——确保你的话听起来像陈述，而不是疑问
• 音量——说话不要太小声或太大声(保持冷静)
• 流利——保持流畅的语言，说话清晰而缓慢.
• Body Posture - maintain an active and erect posture
• 面部表情——你的语言应该和你的表情表达同样的信息
• 目光接触——直视对方，但不要盯得太紧(偶尔移开视线)

Become an Assertive Communicator and Reduce Your 压力

 自信有助于控制压力和愤怒，提高应对技能. 学习 assertive behavior with these steps.

学习如何成为一个清晰的沟通者需要大量的练习和时间. The following resources are available to students at UNH:

• Sexual Harassment and Rape Prevention Program (SHARPP)
  SHARPP致力于为性侵犯幸存者提供支持性服务, relationship abuse and stalking and their allies, 以及为更大的大学社区提供教育和推广.
• Psychological and Counseling 服务 (PACS)
  心理和咨询服务(PACS)是校园内主要的心理健康设施. 他们为支付医疗费的学生提供咨询和治疗.